Just Wake Up

So, here we are. Back on the 8th floor of Women’s College waiting to go in for surgery. My mindset is very different this time around. I am not scared. Just anxious. I have been living with expanders in since May and I am ready for them to be removed. I am cancer free (!!!!!!) and there is no chemo looming over me. But the thought of surgery and recovery is still daunting. My mantra this week has been ‘I just want to wake up’. That is the only part of this I can’t control. I can control my attitude, I can control the pain with meds and I even get to control the remote!  But I can’t control what happens during surgery and that is scary!!  

So, as I sit in my lively blue grown, I am choosing to be positive. Last time,  I was a mess. It was so emotional, and I bawled my eyes out. In fact, the intake nurse was so worried about me she came to find me afterwards in recovery. She happened to be my intake nurse today too. I told her how much her actions meant to me and how her kindness left a lasting impression on me.  She’s sees so many people in her day and she took time to check on me. Today, when I reminded her of who I was, she welled up and gave me a big hug. She did remember me and told me that me telling her that meant so much to her. It made me remember that we need to tell people how they impact us and that we often don’t tell people about the positive things they do.  We may say thank you, but is that meaningful enough?  Do they realize how much their actions actually meant?  We are often much quicker to point out the negative feelings, but the positive ones mean so much more. 

So, as I sit waiting to go in to surgery, I want to say more than thank you. I want you all to know that by just reading this post, or by checking in, or by helping out with meals or the kids, you have filled my heart with love and emotions that I can’t express. When we needed our community, you were there. Kerry and I know how blessed and lucky we are. 


Now, I just need to wake up!!!

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