70

My Dad would have turned 70 today.

We lost him to lung cancer 10 years ago, weeks after he turned 60.   But on that birthday, we celebrated.  We had just had Zahra, and we chose to name her on the Shabbat that was his birthday.  It was perfect.  He was so proud to go to Synagogue, surrounded by all of his loved ones and name that precious little girl.  It was the last time he left the house voluntarily and had to be in a wheelchair (the cancer had progressed rapidly after surgery and he was very weak) but he walked up to the Bima and had his Aalyiah.  His friends did a prayer circle around him and there was not a dry eye in the place.  After, everyone walked back to our house and we had a beautiful party celebrating both the beginning of life and a well lived life being taken too soon.

I learned a lot about life from my dad.  My dad loved life, and appreciated the little things.  He was a very opinionated man, and loved a good debate.  It could be infuriating when he was making a point because he was relentless - just ask any door-to-door solicitor!  He was always sharing interesting trivia points and loved to tell his kids about the things he found interesting.  Music was his passion, and I am so proud of my knowledge of classic rock history, as well as my extensive concert attendance before the age of 20!  Him and I (and my mom too, but I know she was happy to pass the concert going torch to her kids) went to a lot of concerts together, and I treasure those memories and experiences.  The Police (where my parents dyed my 6 yo hair pink), The Who, Pink Floyd, Heart, CSNY, The Doors, Black Crows, Heart - just to name a few.  We never made it to the Grateful Dead, as Jerry died weeks before we were supposed to go - an experience we regretted missing out on.   We had planned on dressing my brother up as a Jerry Bear.  Oh well.

I also learned strong values from my parents.  My dad valued family above all else.  He loved my mother so much, and his favourite evenings were when they were cooking dinner, listening to music.  He loved my brother, sister and I so intensly we often joked he forgot that he was the dad and not a sibling.  He was a loyal son to my grandparents and knew how to charm my Bubbie to get away with murder.  Growing up, the best times were when we all gathered at my grandparents for a family dinner or event.  I loved (and still do) when the Altman crew gets together and I miss my dad and Uncle Dov anchoring the table with their loud voices and stories.  I learned the value of family, the value of a sense of humour and the value of taking the time to appreciate the little things.

My father loved being a dad, but his true calling was to be a Zaidie.  There are many great Zaidies, but there is no better one than my dad.  While I wish I had had more years having him with me, I feel sick that my kids and my niece and nephew - and future ones, don't have him physically in their lives.  My older two have memories of rides in the Mustang, going to their house, and Zaidie's famous stories at bed time.  Sadly, the memories are fading, and have an abrupt end at too young of an age.  I know that if he were around now, he would be front row at all dance competitions, on the coaching staff of baseball, and racking up frequent flyer points to Vancouver and back.

I miss my dad every day.  There is no event that his physical presence is not missed.  But he is here with us.  I see his mischievous spark in Zahra and Marli's eyes.  I see his gentleness in Alesh.  I see his zest for learning in Zev.  I see his studiousness in Judah.  And, I can't wait to see which part of his essence Tovah's new baby will have.

So today, as I feel shitty from chemo, I will try to embody the values my dad lived by.  I am alive.  I have people who truly love me.  I have a roof above me.  Everything else is fluff.  Live life to the fullest.

And go the Ex - thats how we would be celebrating August 30th!

Aug 30, 1948 - Oct 17, 2008