Rif Raf

As many of you know, I used the Cold Cap during my chemo treatments.  I had hoped that I would keep my hair.  I had hoped that I would be part of the very small percentage of those who don't loose any hair.  I figured that since I had been so lucky up to this point, what with finding the tumour so early, not having had it spread to my lymph nodes, and by recovering so well after surgery that I would go through chemo relatively unscathed.    Yes, I had minimal side effects, but the hair defiantly took the hit.

Hair is such a defining feature.  I usually had long hair.  When I was young, I had hair to my waist and my school wouldn't let me go unless it was tied back.  My mom would do very tight french braids every morning.  I credit her with my smooth forehead as she pulled my hair back so tight!  When I was about 11 or 12, I decided, on a whim, to cut my hair super short.  It was not well received!  All through high school, I wore my hair BIG - it was the late 80s and early 90s, after all!  I always wanted the big bangs, but I have a cowlick in the middle of my forehead and they never fell the way I wanted them.  I cut my hair short again right before I left for my year in Israel.  I figured that it would make more sense to have it short as I was working on a Kibbutz.  And the cows I milked didn't mind how ugly it looked as it grew back in!  I continued to grow my hair again until I was pregnant with my third.  For some reason, I thought short hair would look good on me while I was 8 months pregnant.  It didn't.  I looked like a giant egg!  My then 2 year old son cried when he saw me and told me he liked my hair 'flowing'.  Not long after that, I started to have weekly blow outs.  I had always had slightly frizzy hair, and I am a spazz when it comes to styling.  I went every single week for years getting my hair done.  I felt like a million bucks!  No matter how I am feeling, getting my hair done always makes me feel better.

So, here I am post chemo, with probably 25% of my hair.  I look like Rif Raf from Rocky Horror Picture Show ( I am only slightly exaggerating - I have more in the front than he does).  The Cold Cap claims that I am a success.  I have some hair!  It is in no way suitable for public viewing and is not very pretty.  I am becoming pretty savvy with a scarf, and am usually wearing a head covering or a hat.  I even bought a wig.  I hate it.  It moves around.  It looks like a wig.  But I get bangs!  And I realized they are not as great as I thought they would be!

But, it will grow back.  I have had very minimal side effects from the treatment I have had to go through.  I have been very lucky and I know it.  I am cancer free and with the monitoring I will get, I am certain this is not going to come back.  And if it does, I will fight it again.  I just really hope I don't have to!

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