Living a miracle

 I just realized that it has been almost a year since my last Blog post.  Its not that I haven't had any deep thoughts, but I just didn't think they were necessarily blog worthy.  About 5 or 6 years ago, Kerry and I were walking in Berlin (sigh, oh to travel again) when we saw a t-shirt in the window with the quote "Nobody Wants to Read Your Fucking Blog".  We laughed and it became a running joke between us.  It was not meant to insinuate that every blog is irrelevant, it was just a funny statement.  However, it left an impression on my blog intentions.  I would wonder what people would think as they read (or ignored) my most recent blogs.  I was no longer updating on medical procedures or results, and I really didnt need to post about the mundane aspects of my life.  And then covid locked us down.  I must of been in a haze because the months have flown by.  I feel so lucky that I have the creature comforts around me, and I know that we are blessed and fortunate.   So

11 years ago my life was very different. I guess most people change a lot over more than a decade, but today is a day of reflection for me and it’s when these glaring changes are blinking in my brain like a huge neon sign.   11 years ago, I had 3 beautiful children, one of whom was a new born and two in nursery school. I had a wonderful husband who was so busy building his businesses, which meant frequent trips to trade shows and conferences.  I had 4 parents (biological and in-law) who helped and supported us as our young family grew and developed.  We still had 3 amazing grandparents that fed us with good food and great stories and showered us with unconditional love.   We had aunts and uncles and cousins who were all together for events and holidays. We were newish to the neighbourhood and had not yet built the many wonderful relationships we have now, but we had a great circle of friends who are family by choice.  And then the unthinkable happened.   My dad died. October 1

I am sitting waiting for a friend while she gets a test done.  We had made plans for lunch, but as I’ve learned, the medical world does not move around your plans. You need to move around the medical world. She is a close friend and I know without a doubt she’d do this for me if needed. When things are good, your personal army may not be as noticeable. You may take it for granted that you are lucky to have good friends. You may think everyone is this lucky. It’s when you are in crisis that you realize who is truly there for you. It’s easy to be there when it’s fun and games. It’s the other times that give you perspective.  I am lucky. I don’t think I took my army for granted, but I am sure there are times that I could have been more present, or more proactive. Just yesterday, my best friend Amy pointed out that I am not a plan maker. She pointed out that I’m so busy with my kids’ dance and baseball schedules and that I like being home with Kerry that I often ‘forget’ to make plans

So, it has been exactly one year since I was diagnosed.  365 days.  The day I was diagnosed, Kerry and I came home, picked up Alesh and went to Zahra's play.  Spent an hour or so doing the cast's make up and then sat in stun in the dark audience.  Only the adults knew.  Coming full circle, we just had Zahra's school play again.  She played G-ma and was incredible.  And, she wore my wig as part of her costume!  I hated wearing it and I am so glad that it was put to good use!  She looked great in it and she nailed the role!  I couldn't help but be struck by the irony of it. Tomorrow is also the Jewish anniversary of the day I met Kerry (we met on the day of the first Seder) 20 years ago. It has always struck me as appropriate that I met the man of my dreams on the day of my favourite holiday.  Many of you may have just gasped - yes, this is my favourite holiday.  I LOVE Passover.  I love the food, I love the tradition, and I especially love spending time with my familie

Today is my 45th birthday.  I love my birthday.  I always have loved my birthday and I love celebrating birthdays! There have been a few numbers that were harder than others, such as 25 - I was not happy to turn 25.  I felt that it was SO OLD!!  I had spent my 22nd year in Israel, and when I returned I was unsure what to do with my life.  About a year after returning home, I started working at Post City Magazines as an advertising assistant for my (now) dear friend Lynne.  All through my 24th year I went out, had dozens of 1st dates and just had a lot of fun with my friends.  But all year, Lynne kept telling me to call her sweet, and very good looking optometrist to see if he wanted advertise.  He didn't.  So, back to my 25th.  My best friend Lauren decided to throw me a birthday party at Indian Motorcycle Club.  20 or so of my closest friends came and it was then that I had an epiphany.  25 was going to be a great year.  I was surrounded by people who love me and support me.   A

So, here we are. Back on the 8th floor of Women’s College waiting to go in for surgery. My mindset is very different this time around. I am not scared. Just anxious. I have been living with expanders in since May and I am ready for them to be removed. I am cancer free (!!!!!!) and there is no chemo looming over me. But the thought of surgery and recovery is still daunting. My mantra this week has been ‘I just want to wake up’. That is the only part of this I can’t control. I can control my attitude, I can control the pain with meds and I even get to control the remote!  But I can’t control what happens during surgery and that is scary!!   So, as I sit in my lively blue grown, I am choosing to be positive. Last time,  I was a mess. It was so emotional, and I bawled my eyes out. In fact, the intake nurse was so worried about me she came to find me afterwards in recovery. She happened to be my intake nurse today too. I told her how much her actions meant to me and how her kindness le