Living a miracle

I am sitting waiting for a friend while she gets a test done.  We had made plans for lunch, but as I’ve learned, the medical world does not move around your plans. You need to move around the medical world. She is a close friend and I know without a doubt she’d do this for me if needed. When things are good, your personal army may not be as noticeable. You may take it for granted that you are lucky to have good friends. You may think everyone is this lucky. It’s when you are in crisis that you realize who is truly there for you. It’s easy to be there when it’s fun and games. It’s the other times that give you perspective.  I am lucky. I don’t think I took my army for granted, but I am sure there are times that I could have been more present, or more proactive. Just yesterday, my best friend Amy pointed out that I am not a plan maker. She pointed out that I’m so busy with my kids’ dance and baseball schedules and that I like being home with Kerry that I often ‘forget’ to m...

So, it has been exactly one year since I was diagnosed.  365 days.  The day I was diagnosed, Kerry and I came home, picked up Alesh and went to Zahra's play.  Spent an hour or so doing the cast's make up and then sat in stun in the dark audience.  Only the adults knew.  Coming full circle, we just had Zahra's school play again.  She played G-ma and was incredible.  And, she wore my wig as part of her costume!  I hated wearing it and I am so glad that it was put to good use!  She looked great in it and she nailed the role!  I couldn't help but be struck by the irony of it. Tomorrow is also the Jewish anniversary of the day I met Kerry (we met on the day of the first Seder) 20 years ago. It has always struck me as appropriate that I met the man of my dreams on the day of my favourite holiday.  Many of you may have just gasped - yes, this is my favourite holiday.  I LOVE Passover.  I love the food, I love the tradition, and...

Today is my 45th birthday.  I love my birthday.  I always have loved my birthday and I love celebrating birthdays! There have been a few numbers that were harder than others, such as 25 - I was not happy to turn 25.  I felt that it was SO OLD!!  I had spent my 22nd year in Israel, and when I returned I was unsure what to do with my life.  About a year after returning home, I started working at Post City Magazines as an advertising assistant for my (now) dear friend Lynne.  All through my 24th year I went out, had dozens of 1st dates and just had a lot of fun with my friends.  But all year, Lynne kept telling me to call her sweet, and very good looking optometrist to see if he wanted advertise.  He didn't.  So, back to my 25th.  My best friend Lauren decided to throw me a birthday party at Indian Motorcycle Club.  20 or so of my closest friends came and it was then that I had an epiphany.  25 was going to be a great year. ...

So, here we are. Back on the 8th floor of Women’s College waiting to go in for surgery. My mindset is very different this time around. I am not scared. Just anxious. I have been living with expanders in since May and I am ready for them to be removed. I am cancer free (!!!!!!) and there is no chemo looming over me. But the thought of surgery and recovery is still daunting. My mantra this week has been ‘I just want to wake up’. That is the only part of this I can’t control. I can control my attitude, I can control the pain with meds and I even get to control the remote!  But I can’t control what happens during surgery and that is scary!!   So, as I sit in my lively blue grown, I am choosing to be positive. Last time,  I was a mess. It was so emotional, and I bawled my eyes out. In fact, the intake nurse was so worried about me she came to find me afterwards in recovery. She happened to be my intake nurse today too. I told her how much her actions meant to me and how h...

What a year. It has been the highest of highs to very low lows. As I reflect on 2018, I am both happy and sad to see it go.  We started the year in Puerto Vallarta. We’ve been going there with Kerry’s family for almost 20 years and it’s one of our favourite places.   Sadly, we didn’t go this year but we’ll be back next year!   I went back to work in January thinking that I was about to be promoted to Vice-Principal.   Sadly, I was not successful. I was so disappointed and really struggled to put my shoulders back and lift my head high. I still needed to show up both physically and mentally to teach my classes in the manner my students deserved. It took all my energy to get out of bed and go to work. I was so upset and sad. It’s a job I really want and have worked so hard for. I have had so much support from my principal and friend, Joe, that it made the disappointment a little less bitter.  I decided to take the kids down to New York City for March ...

I  am writing this as I sit at TGH waiting for to see my cardio-oncologist. I have been mulling this blog around for the past 8 days. Chanukah is a holiday commemorating miracles. We remember the miracle of the Maccabees as well as the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days. Miracles always seemed like they only occurred in biblical times. But I’m realizing that miracles happen all around us. I am living my own miracle, and I would regret to let this moment pass without marking it at this time.   As humans, we have the ability to shape our own perspectives on situations. We have free thought and can create our own realities. Yes, shit can happen. Yes, life can suck sometimes. And yes, life can be really, really hard. But it’s how we look at it that shapes how we live. So many people have told me how strong I am and how brave I am in how I’ve dealt with my diagnosis and treatment. I’m neither. I’m just choosing to be positive and to enjoy life. I could let this experience m...

I am writing this while tucked into my nephew's Star Wars themed bed.  I am displacing the poor boy while I am in Vancouver meeting my new nephew, Isaiah, and helping my sister out.  It has been so nice to be here this week.  It has been rather chill, as the weather has been wet (typical for November)  and Tovah is not up to her usual stamina.  It suits me just fine!  I joked that we have pretty much just gone from meal to meal while I have been here.  However, I did get to take the kids to their weekend classes and even got to see Marli in a horse show!  My sole reason for coming this week was to help Tovah.  I made no plans, and had no expectations for entertainment! I only get to see Tovah, Josh, Judah, Marli and now Isaiah once or twice a year.  It pains me that I am leaving on Friday.  There is always so much anticipation for these brief visits and the heart ache of saying good bye is palpable.  Tovah, Josh, Kerry and I ...