Living a miracle

What a year. It has been the highest of highs to very low lows. As I reflect on 2018, I am both happy and sad to see it go.  We started the year in Puerto Vallarta. We’ve been going there with Kerry’s family for almost 20 years and it’s one of our favourite places.   Sadly, we didn’t go this year but we’ll be back next year!   I went back to work in January thinking that I was about to be promoted to Vice-Principal.   Sadly, I was not successful. I was so disappointed and really struggled to put my shoulders back and lift my head high. I still needed to show up both physically and mentally to teach my classes in the manner my students deserved. It took all my energy to get out of bed and go to work. I was so upset and sad. It’s a job I really want and have worked so hard for. I have had so much support from my principal and friend, Joe, that it made the disappointment a little less bitter.  I decided to take the kids down to New York City for March ...

I  am writing this as I sit at TGH waiting for to see my cardio-oncologist. I have been mulling this blog around for the past 8 days. Chanukah is a holiday commemorating miracles. We remember the miracle of the Maccabees as well as the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days. Miracles always seemed like they only occurred in biblical times. But I’m realizing that miracles happen all around us. I am living my own miracle, and I would regret to let this moment pass without marking it at this time.   As humans, we have the ability to shape our own perspectives on situations. We have free thought and can create our own realities. Yes, shit can happen. Yes, life can suck sometimes. And yes, life can be really, really hard. But it’s how we look at it that shapes how we live. So many people have told me how strong I am and how brave I am in how I’ve dealt with my diagnosis and treatment. I’m neither. I’m just choosing to be positive and to enjoy life. I could let this experience m...

I am writing this while tucked into my nephew's Star Wars themed bed.  I am displacing the poor boy while I am in Vancouver meeting my new nephew, Isaiah, and helping my sister out.  It has been so nice to be here this week.  It has been rather chill, as the weather has been wet (typical for November)  and Tovah is not up to her usual stamina.  It suits me just fine!  I joked that we have pretty much just gone from meal to meal while I have been here.  However, I did get to take the kids to their weekend classes and even got to see Marli in a horse show!  My sole reason for coming this week was to help Tovah.  I made no plans, and had no expectations for entertainment! I only get to see Tovah, Josh, Judah, Marli and now Isaiah once or twice a year.  It pains me that I am leaving on Friday.  There is always so much anticipation for these brief visits and the heart ache of saying good bye is palpable.  Tovah, Josh, Kerry and I ...

I can't believe it's been over a month since my last blog.  I know that I have been pretty visible on Facebook with my videos and posts, but felt it was time for an actual update. Let me be clear - chemo SUCKS.  I thought that I would be back to normal by now, and just getting my strength up for surgery in February.  Let's just say it is still kicking my ass.  I am usually REALLY active.  I am not one to sit still for very long, and usually work out at least 3-4 times a week - weights, pilates, spin, cardio etc.  Now, I am usually bagged by about 6 pm, and can barely get through a 30 min ab workout.  This was not what I expected.   I also need to remind myself to take a break, otherwise I feel like shit.  If I do too much I get terrible headaches at night and it takes me a couple of days to feel relatively 'normal' again. I am also dealing with the crazy hormones that go along with breast cancer and its treatments.  I am not on Hormo...

As many of you know, I used the Cold Cap during my chemo treatments.  I had hoped that I would keep my hair.  I had hoped that I would be part of the very small percentage of those who don't loose any hair.  I figured that since I had been so lucky up to this point, what with finding the tumour so early, not having had it spread to my lymph nodes, and by recovering so well after surgery that I would go through chemo relatively unscathed.    Yes, I had minimal side effects, but the hair defiantly took the hit. Hair is such a defining feature.  I usually had long hair.  When I was young, I had hair to my waist and my school wouldn't let me go unless it was tied back.  My mom would do very tight french braids every morning.  I credit her with my smooth forehead as she pulled my hair back so tight!  When I was about 11 or 12, I decided, on a whim, to cut my hair super short.  It was not well received!  All through high school, I ...

Tonight, in the Jewish calendar,  marks the ten year anniversary of my father's passing from cancer.  On Monday night, we ate dinner at our friends Jeff and Bronna's, in their amazing Sukkah.  Bronna asked me to be write about an Ushpizin, or Sukkah guest.  This is what I wrote: Bronna asked me to speak tonight about my Ushpizin, or Sukkah guest, and she had no idea how significant that was for me.  Sukkot was my Dad’s favourite holiday  He loved putting up his sukkah, even though it ultimately fell down each night.  He loved the smell of the etrog and he loved to parade with the lulov around the shul.  He ESPECIALLY loved carrying his grandchildren WITH the lulov and etrog!    It is also fitting that he passed away during Chol Hamod Sukkot in 2008 - 10 years ago this Friday.  It is because of this, that I chose my Dad, Sholem Isroel Altman to speak about. Almost all of you here tonight knew my dad.  And for those of you...

I was supposed to have my last chemo today.  However, there has been a delay.  As mentioned in my last blog, I wasn't feeling great last week.  I went to the doctor on Monday, and it seems that, while I didn't have the infection she thought, it seems that heartburn was causing acid sores in my esophagus!  YAY!  Fun!  Anyways, that is the cause of the throat issues and the medication I was on was causing the stomach issues.  But, as well, my oncologist wants to wait a week to let things settle down and heal.  I am disappointed that I won't be finished today,  but I went into this expecting that there will be a complication or delay.  I wasn't being pessimistic, just realistic.  I figured that if there was an issue, at least I had figured there would be!  And if there wasn't, than bonus! However, by delaying, I get to have another good week before things get bad again for the last time!  I can watch Zev play baseball, cele...