Living a miracle

Today is my 45th birthday.  I love my birthday.  I always have loved my birthday and I love celebrating birthdays! There have been a few numbers that were harder than others, such as 25 - I was not happy to turn 25.  I felt that it was SO OLD!!  I had spent my 22nd year in Israel, and when I returned I was unsure what to do with my life.  About a year after returning home, I started working at Post City Magazines as an advertising assistant for my (now) dear friend Lynne.  All through my 24th year I went out, had dozens of 1st dates and just had a lot of fun with my friends.  But all year, Lynne kept telling me to call her sweet, and very good looking optometrist to see if he wanted advertise.  He didn't.  So, back to my 25th.  My best friend Lauren decided to throw me a birthday party at Indian Motorcycle Club.  20 or so of my closest friends came and it was then that I had an epiphany.  25 was going to be a great year. ...

So, here we are. Back on the 8th floor of Women’s College waiting to go in for surgery. My mindset is very different this time around. I am not scared. Just anxious. I have been living with expanders in since May and I am ready for them to be removed. I am cancer free (!!!!!!) and there is no chemo looming over me. But the thought of surgery and recovery is still daunting. My mantra this week has been ‘I just want to wake up’. That is the only part of this I can’t control. I can control my attitude, I can control the pain with meds and I even get to control the remote!  But I can’t control what happens during surgery and that is scary!!   So, as I sit in my lively blue grown, I am choosing to be positive. Last time,  I was a mess. It was so emotional, and I bawled my eyes out. In fact, the intake nurse was so worried about me she came to find me afterwards in recovery. She happened to be my intake nurse today too. I told her how much her actions meant to me and how h...

What a year. It has been the highest of highs to very low lows. As I reflect on 2018, I am both happy and sad to see it go.  We started the year in Puerto Vallarta. We’ve been going there with Kerry’s family for almost 20 years and it’s one of our favourite places.   Sadly, we didn’t go this year but we’ll be back next year!   I went back to work in January thinking that I was about to be promoted to Vice-Principal.   Sadly, I was not successful. I was so disappointed and really struggled to put my shoulders back and lift my head high. I still needed to show up both physically and mentally to teach my classes in the manner my students deserved. It took all my energy to get out of bed and go to work. I was so upset and sad. It’s a job I really want and have worked so hard for. I have had so much support from my principal and friend, Joe, that it made the disappointment a little less bitter.  I decided to take the kids down to New York City for March ...

I  am writing this as I sit at TGH waiting for to see my cardio-oncologist. I have been mulling this blog around for the past 8 days. Chanukah is a holiday commemorating miracles. We remember the miracle of the Maccabees as well as the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days. Miracles always seemed like they only occurred in biblical times. But I’m realizing that miracles happen all around us. I am living my own miracle, and I would regret to let this moment pass without marking it at this time.   As humans, we have the ability to shape our own perspectives on situations. We have free thought and can create our own realities. Yes, shit can happen. Yes, life can suck sometimes. And yes, life can be really, really hard. But it’s how we look at it that shapes how we live. So many people have told me how strong I am and how brave I am in how I’ve dealt with my diagnosis and treatment. I’m neither. I’m just choosing to be positive and to enjoy life. I could let this experience m...

I am writing this while tucked into my nephew's Star Wars themed bed.  I am displacing the poor boy while I am in Vancouver meeting my new nephew, Isaiah, and helping my sister out.  It has been so nice to be here this week.  It has been rather chill, as the weather has been wet (typical for November)  and Tovah is not up to her usual stamina.  It suits me just fine!  I joked that we have pretty much just gone from meal to meal while I have been here.  However, I did get to take the kids to their weekend classes and even got to see Marli in a horse show!  My sole reason for coming this week was to help Tovah.  I made no plans, and had no expectations for entertainment! I only get to see Tovah, Josh, Judah, Marli and now Isaiah once or twice a year.  It pains me that I am leaving on Friday.  There is always so much anticipation for these brief visits and the heart ache of saying good bye is palpable.  Tovah, Josh, Kerry and I ...

I can't believe it's been over a month since my last blog.  I know that I have been pretty visible on Facebook with my videos and posts, but felt it was time for an actual update. Let me be clear - chemo SUCKS.  I thought that I would be back to normal by now, and just getting my strength up for surgery in February.  Let's just say it is still kicking my ass.  I am usually REALLY active.  I am not one to sit still for very long, and usually work out at least 3-4 times a week - weights, pilates, spin, cardio etc.  Now, I am usually bagged by about 6 pm, and can barely get through a 30 min ab workout.  This was not what I expected.   I also need to remind myself to take a break, otherwise I feel like shit.  If I do too much I get terrible headaches at night and it takes me a couple of days to feel relatively 'normal' again. I am also dealing with the crazy hormones that go along with breast cancer and its treatments.  I am not on Hormo...

As many of you know, I used the Cold Cap during my chemo treatments.  I had hoped that I would keep my hair.  I had hoped that I would be part of the very small percentage of those who don't loose any hair.  I figured that since I had been so lucky up to this point, what with finding the tumour so early, not having had it spread to my lymph nodes, and by recovering so well after surgery that I would go through chemo relatively unscathed.    Yes, I had minimal side effects, but the hair defiantly took the hit. Hair is such a defining feature.  I usually had long hair.  When I was young, I had hair to my waist and my school wouldn't let me go unless it was tied back.  My mom would do very tight french braids every morning.  I credit her with my smooth forehead as she pulled my hair back so tight!  When I was about 11 or 12, I decided, on a whim, to cut my hair super short.  It was not well received!  All through high school, I ...